In the period between Christmas and the end of March, I had quite a bit of annual leave to use up, and not much to do with it. Or rather not much money to do anything with it.
Consequently the long empty hours between delivering and collecting child from nursery, used to stretch like an overextended elastic band. I noticed that my beer obsessed days were starting to take on a familiar pattern, centred on beer, but not allowing for the actual consumption of it.
For a spoonful of mirth, here is the make-up of a typical day:
7.30 Get up.
8.30 Deliver child to nursery
9.30 Drink first of today's 28 cups of tea, which will become progressively less satisfying
9.45 Turn on computer, log into Twitter to read lots of tweets from a) people who are hungover, b) brewers who are starting work and c) bloggers with posts that sound more interesting than mine
10.00 Check Wellington beer board to see what beers are on
10.05 Log into Mediocre Beer Adventures to see how many people read that article I posted at 11.45 last night.
10.06 Realise that no one read that article I posted at 11.45 last night.
10.07 Retweet my own tweet - the one advertising my latest blog article (the one I posted at 11.45 last night)
10.20 Spend an hour replying to other people's conversation starting tweets, only for them to not start a conversation with me
11.20 Realise it's nearly lunchtime and start thinking about going to the pub this afternoon.
11.25 Check the West Midlands Travel website, in an attempt to calculate travel times between pubs
13.00 Make a new Google map, showing planned pub crawl
14.00 Check Wellington beer board to see what beers are on
14.05 Tweet new Google map
14.10 Cross reference new Google map with West Midlands Travel website to check whether pub crawl is 'do-able'
15.00 Realise it is now too late to do pub crawl.
15.05 Check Wellington beer board to see what beers are on
15.10 Check the West Midlands Travel website to see whether it would be possible to get to Stirchley Wines, before picking up child
15.30 Realise it isn't possible
16.00 Notice that Countdown has started, feel physically sick that the day has passed me by
16.05 Read more tweets from beer fans around the world, make a pledge to make better use of tomorrow
16.30 Consider popping into local Ember Inn, on the off chance that a decent beer is on
16.35 Don't bother
16.40 Check Wellington beer board to see what beers are on - realise that a great beer has just come on, but realise that by the time I can now visit (tomorrow) it will have finished
17.00 Check the West Midlands Travel website to see whether it would be possible to go to Handsworth to hunt for East European beers, prior to collecting child (knowing full well it isn't going to be possible)
17.05. Confirm that it isn't possible
17.20 Collect child
18.20 Start reading tweets from people reporting the great beers they are sampling in a variety of great pubs
19.20 Frozen pizza
20.00 Start writing a blog post, before realising I have done nothing worth blogging about
20.30 Stop writing a blog post
21.00 Examine beer cupboard to plan evening's drinking. Have a cup of tea whilst deciding what to have first
23.00 Start first beer, having consumed 4 further cups of tea whilst prevaricating.
23.30 Realise that there is insufficient time to drink any more beers, as child delivery tomorrow morning will require clearheadedness.
00.00 Watch Family Guy - the same episode which was on yesterday
00.30 Go to bed.
And repeat the next day.